he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
