Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
