she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
