Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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