Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
there is glitter all over my balls
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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