You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
