I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
