just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
