Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
