Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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