I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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