you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize