Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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