This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
