WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
