i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
