Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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