I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
