It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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