Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
