I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
