ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
