Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my phone needs a breathalizer
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
