Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
