it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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