a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I look better un-naked...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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