So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
