how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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