tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
