you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
