Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
