he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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