he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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