I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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