i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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