i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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