so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
