My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
