have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
