Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
