I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it was like eating out sand paper
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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