I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize