I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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