Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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