how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
