just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
