everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
