fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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