i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
