If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my phone needs a breathalizer
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The air was thick with penises
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize