We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
