I wanna bring you to show and tell
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
