Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
