Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
