whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
