We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
