Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
