sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
