Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
