names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
