come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
