Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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