This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
