I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize