After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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