Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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