im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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