Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize