I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
do herpes really smell.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize