Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
