That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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