Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
