I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Don't make out with my wife yet
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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