The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
