Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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