Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Randomize
