he wants to bone in the snuggie
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Houston, we have a squirter
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
