i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
