i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
