You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
3 2 1 whiskey
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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