why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
