Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
