y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
