she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
