i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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