Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
