I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize