yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
