The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
