It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
