Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize