The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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