I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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