dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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