You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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