Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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