2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
