i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
