i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
