Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
