are you so shy because you have an std?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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